Sandwich Rules

I have quirks and when I want to justify them I say "because it's a rule". I ordered a sandwich in a college l cafeteria and the chef made it according to my rules. I was watching to ensure he did it in the right order but he made it perfectly. I was so astonished I said "You followed the sandwich rules!" He looked at me and said "How else would you make it?" I have been vindicated.

Sandwich rules

Roast beef sandwich
* toast the bread
* lightly butter one side of one piece of toast
* cover the buttered side with roast beef
* sprinkle on salt and pepper—if I can't have sea salt I only use pepper—if it's deli roast beef I never add salt
* put ketchup on top the roast beef and add the remaining piece of toast
* cut the sandwich in quarters

Reasoning. Most sandwiches taste better on toast and they are sturdier. I don't like a lot of butter but a little complements the roast beef and helps hold it in place. The ketchup goes on top of the meat since it soaks into the meat and keeps the salt and pepper from snowing out while eating. Quartered sandwiches are easier to eat than holding a large sloppy sandwich. I never know where to start with a sandwich cut on the diagonal. Do you bite from the center and have a large portion of crust remaining or start in a crust corner near the cut edge and have an uncomfortable remaining sandwich shape that drizzles out the fixings. You can't bite into the crust corner since that's just wrong.

Deli style sandwich with lunch meat
* toast is preferred or a very dense bread that's been in a toaster oven
* butter for beef and pork—chicken, turkey and seafood I use miracle whip—mustard goes on top of the butter if it's applicable
* meat
* cheese since the cheese works well with the meat
* lettuce leaves—they keep the cheese nice and it's crunchy
* onion slices broken into rings and green pepper rings
* tomato slices—they are next to the bread since the bread absorbs the excess liquid
* toast
cut into quarters.

I have other rules, but I'm not so OCD that I have to do them; I just prefer it.

I try to not shop in grocery stores where the produce section is not to the right of the doors. I prefer to travel counterclockwise and I like to buy my produce first since that determines my menu. The meat department should be next along the back back wall.

I don't buy trousers that fit tightly around my ankles since I put my shoes on before the slacks. I have no justification...

Flossing needs to be done before brushing. If I floss after I brush, I re-brush my teeth.

I never drink the bottom of a cup of coffee. This dates back to my parents boiling coffee and letting the grounds settle. I know Caribou and Starbucks don't have coffee grounds on the bottom of the cup but I still won't drink it. I don't understand eating coffee beans since I've spent so much time avoiding the grounds.

I have no idea where this Zombie haiku came from; perhaps analyzing rules brings out my darker side. I used to want to become a psychiatrist but discovered I had no desire to complete medical school; they have a rule about that.

finger sandwiches
tongue sliced thin, head cheese, sweet breads
zombie buffet line

I found the cute photo of animal shaped sandwiches on Google images

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