How Doth the Little Crocodile by Lewis Carroll

How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,

And pour the waters of the Nile

On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spreads his claws,

And welcomes little fishes in

With gently smiling jaws!

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16 Goats In A Tree

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Tree Climbing Goats From Morraco

When food became sparse on the ground, the goats learned to climb the Argan trees in Morocco in search of food, which is otherwise sparse in the region. My dog climbs up on the table but I can't see climbing a tree for a squirrel.

photographer unknown

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More Poodles in Disguise

A rooster poodle

















A camel poodle.

















A buffalo Poodle

















A Clydesdale Poodle

I found these fun photos on Google images, the photographer is unknown.

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Poodle Under the Sea

Christy Van Cleave turned her dog Jack into a "Poodles Under The Sea" theme.

photographer unknown

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Charmed Poodle

Groom Expo 2007 Barkleigh Creative Winner, Meggan Mulcahy, with her entry, "Charmed." (Photo by Animal Photography)

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Poodle

My dog came back from the groomer and it's a good thing she recognized me since she didn't resemble the beloved pet that I left there. We took before photos and I was going to take an after photo but she looked too odd; this was not a Kodak moment. I started looking for a new groomer and I wanted to see the photos of other groomer's work; I found these. Zelda doesn't look this different but I got a kick out of these photos from a dog grooming competition in Las Vegas.


Sandy Hartness of Yucaipa Valley, California turned her poodle into a Ninja Turtle named Leonardoodle.

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Westminster Bridge Shadows

I Googled Westminster Bridge recently and checked Wikipedia to see how many times the Bridge is featured in popular cultural references.

The Daleks crossed it in Doctor Who
A skit on Monty Python with a reporter and policeman where they keep stealing items from people passing by.
Cruella de Vil stands on it while seeing the spots from One Hundred and One Dalmatians.
In 28 Days Later the protagonist walks across it while discovering London has apparently been deserted.
The bridge has also appeared in the movies Fantastic Four, Rise of the Silver Surfer, The Bourne Ultimatum and National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

I was a little surprised to see the following photo of the bridge's shadow on Wikepedia. Channel your inner 12 year old...


Westminster Bridge Haiku

shadows lengthening
apollo's prank erected
cupid's graffiti

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Custom What?

This custom house for $420,000 cracked me up. It is a concrete block shell and about the same size as a small suburban home or 3 car garage. The shell is about an hour from anywhere and the ocean is about half a mile away.

Concrete block haiku.

industrial blocks
grey Lego's by the ocean
sand reformatted

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The Tulips Are Coming—The Tulips Are Coming!

OK, the green part is only about 3" high but the bunnies will be feasting on them soon. Here is today's tulip haiku.

harbingers of spring
riots of color thrust away
the browns of winter

The photo is from morgue file.

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Zombie Haiku

I mentioned to my daughter that I wrote a Zombie Haiku. Her response was "I bet there's not many of those"

I was curious and Googled Zombie Haiku—218,000 results—and they were pretty intense compared to mine.

Then I went to look for Zombie images, the photo sites were too graphic for me and about 20% were close ups of coffee beans. Does this mean that after a nice snack of lady fingers and brains; zombies like to relax with a cup of Sumatran blend? Mall food courts would become quite an adventure.

I cheated a bit on the haiku's syllables but I was in a hurry; it's hard to type and run.

veggie burgers
organic free range
vegetarians

I think I took this photo of a caveman walking his dinosaur in South Dakota.

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Sandwich Rules

I have quirks and when I want to justify them I say "because it's a rule". I ordered a sandwich in a college l cafeteria and the chef made it according to my rules. I was watching to ensure he did it in the right order but he made it perfectly. I was so astonished I said "You followed the sandwich rules!" He looked at me and said "How else would you make it?" I have been vindicated.

Sandwich rules

Roast beef sandwich
* toast the bread
* lightly butter one side of one piece of toast
* cover the buttered side with roast beef
* sprinkle on salt and pepper—if I can't have sea salt I only use pepper—if it's deli roast beef I never add salt
* put ketchup on top the roast beef and add the remaining piece of toast
* cut the sandwich in quarters

Reasoning. Most sandwiches taste better on toast and they are sturdier. I don't like a lot of butter but a little complements the roast beef and helps hold it in place. The ketchup goes on top of the meat since it soaks into the meat and keeps the salt and pepper from snowing out while eating. Quartered sandwiches are easier to eat than holding a large sloppy sandwich. I never know where to start with a sandwich cut on the diagonal. Do you bite from the center and have a large portion of crust remaining or start in a crust corner near the cut edge and have an uncomfortable remaining sandwich shape that drizzles out the fixings. You can't bite into the crust corner since that's just wrong.

Deli style sandwich with lunch meat
* toast is preferred or a very dense bread that's been in a toaster oven
* butter for beef and pork—chicken, turkey and seafood I use miracle whip—mustard goes on top of the butter if it's applicable
* meat
* cheese since the cheese works well with the meat
* lettuce leaves—they keep the cheese nice and it's crunchy
* onion slices broken into rings and green pepper rings
* tomato slices—they are next to the bread since the bread absorbs the excess liquid
* toast
cut into quarters.

I have other rules, but I'm not so OCD that I have to do them; I just prefer it.

I try to not shop in grocery stores where the produce section is not to the right of the doors. I prefer to travel counterclockwise and I like to buy my produce first since that determines my menu. The meat department should be next along the back back wall.

I don't buy trousers that fit tightly around my ankles since I put my shoes on before the slacks. I have no justification...

Flossing needs to be done before brushing. If I floss after I brush, I re-brush my teeth.

I never drink the bottom of a cup of coffee. This dates back to my parents boiling coffee and letting the grounds settle. I know Caribou and Starbucks don't have coffee grounds on the bottom of the cup but I still won't drink it. I don't understand eating coffee beans since I've spent so much time avoiding the grounds.

I have no idea where this Zombie haiku came from; perhaps analyzing rules brings out my darker side. I used to want to become a psychiatrist but discovered I had no desire to complete medical school; they have a rule about that.

finger sandwiches
tongue sliced thin, head cheese, sweet breads
zombie buffet line

I found the cute photo of animal shaped sandwiches on Google images

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World's Smallest Bar - self proclaimed

Margarita shaped Haiku

no restrooms chairs food
tiny alcove selling beer

sidewalk fiesta

ll
ll
ll
ll
-------

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Don't Forget Your Car

If you are driving home please don't forget to take your car; is a sign at a bar called The Office on the beach in Cabo. Cabo is filled with funny signs, most of which are related to liquor.

The Office has a built in series of excuses—Sorry hon, I'm staying late at the office—I'll call you later when I leave the office.

The bar drifts out onto a sandy area and if a waiter shows up with a sombrero, a funnel, and a bottle of tequila; go order ceviches. Ceviches are shrimp or other sea food marinated in salt, lemon, onion, chili, avocado, coriander, parsley and tomatoes. The citrus cooks the sea food without heat.

I was on a business trip and part of our group had been biking along the California Highway and were game for anything—not that they were wild but they had wrecked 2 golf carts earlier by riding on top and putting them into a water hazard (they were playing Ben-Hur's chariot race)—they paid for two golf carts, then went and got tattoos. No, I didn't get drunk, inked, or play golf. I like to dive and it's incredibly foolish to drink alcohol and become dehydrated.

The Office haiku.

sand in your Gucci's
bartender takes dictation
dos cervezas por favor

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What Protective Carpet?

I think the rules for rental cars are a little different outside of Minnesota.

This is the jeep we rented to visit a beach where baby sea turtles hatch. We didn't get to see any baby sea turtles but there were a lot of egg shells and it was a very pretty drive.

Sea Turtle Haiku

tiny sea turtles
moonlight christening breakers
bon voyage, bonne chance

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Winter's Third Encore

Minnesota weather is never boring. A month ago my husband wanted to get out the motorcycles since it was 60 degrees. A few days ago we had snow and it's a lovely 50 degrees today.

Winter Queen Haiku

icy tears falling
frozen throne room usurped
winter queen succumbs

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Jim Butcher Book Signing

Jim Butcher was signing his newest book in the Harry Dresden series, Turn Coat, last night at the Barnes and Noble in Roseville. He was charming, witty, a very enjoyable speaker and I'm looking forward to reading it.

His graphic novel, The Dresden Files: Welcome to the Jungle with art by Ardian Syaf is nominated for a Hugo Award.

I had hoped to get the book on CD since I spend a lot of time in the car but it's not available until late April. The audio versions have been superbly performed by James Marsters (he played Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel).

Harry Dresden haiku

wizard warrior
raised staff summoning fire
where's the potion Bob

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Topless Pictures Only

Topless Photo Haiku

sun kissed blushing breasts

worshipping Apollo's path
back arched, Frank reclines

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No Drinks For You!

This vendor's truck was covered on all sides with painted signs advertising ice cold drinks.

Art Fair haiku

sun, crowds, heavy bags
adrift in art and sculpture
look, there's ice cold drinks...

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International House of P

It's a toss up which I like more, pancakes or goofy signs. My daughters and I were on the road and wanted pancakes and found the International House of P.

Imagine leaving a bar with few too many beers. You're driving around and nature calls—should you stop at the service station, Mc Donalds, or wait until you get home—no; wait—here's the International House of P.

An ode to pancakes haiku.

stacks of carb goodness
masked in butter and maple
look, macadamias!

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No Questions, Just Give Me A Quote

I used to have an insurance agency and while I cherished the relationships I built with my clients some were quite funny. A woman called me to get an insurance quote for a home she was buying. M is for me and C is for client; I'll spare you the details and get to the good part. This is a true story.

C. I don't want to talk about my home over the phone.
M. Why
C. Because I can't see your face.
M. We could make an appointment for you to come into the office.
C. OK you can ask me questions. I don't like to meet people.
M. How old is your home?
C. 100, 200, or 300 years.
M. I'll look that up for you in the property tax web site.
C. How do you know so much about my home?
M. It's public information on the county web site. What city do you live in?
C. That's too personal.
M. I need to know the city to give you a quote, do you live in Minneapolis?
C. Yes, how did you know that?
M. My caller ID shows a Minneapolis exchange. How much do you want your deductible to be?
C. I don't know, I'll ask my Realtor.
M. Who is your Realtor?
C. That's too personal.
M. Perhaps your Realtor could help answer some of my questions so I can give you a quote.
C. OK. He's my neighbor but he's at work now. He can't take calls at work.
M. Does the house have any damage that needs repairing?
C. It's a good house but there is a hole in the roof.
M. How big of hole?
C. Bigger than my chair but smaller than the table.
M. I'm sorry but I'm unable to insure a home with a hole in the roof. The hole would have to be repaired before I can cover it.
C. I don't want the hole insured; just the house around it.

Real estate ad for squirrels haiku

skylight views, acorns
cozy pink fiberglass nest
wooded lot, big yard

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Rainbows Dancing

I have hundreds of lead crystals hanging in my studio window and every afternoon the room is flooded with rainbows. The rainbows cover the ceiling, walls and even spill out into the hallway. The heat vent under the window causes the crystals to gently move. I became tired of paying premium prices for lead crystals so I bought 2 homely lead crystal chandeliers on clearance and took them apart, now my studio has a curtain of crystal that Liberace would love.

i. newton is Sir Issac Newton and my haiku refers to the work Newton did with refracting light through prisms.

Lead oxide is added to molten glass to increase it's sparkle. If you store wine in a lead crystal decanter you might want to check out a study by the North Carolina State University indicating that the lead can leach into the wine and liquor.

lead oxide facets
crystalline light refracting
i. newton smiles

I collect phrases you never thought you'd hear; I said to my husband "I wrote poem about Issac Newton this morning."

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Flying Penguins on BBC Documentary and Penguin Haiku

Penguin haiku

penguin vacation
mai tais, extra herring please
cha cha cha poolside

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